Our Little Bean

Our baby bean grew wings and went home to be with the Lord in Heaven yesterday, August 4th, 2010.

I had been experiencing light bleeding all week, which turned into heavier bleeding (like a period). Yesterday morning, I felt a warm gush of something, and I passed the baby, fully in tact inside of it’s gestational sac. I was fairly positive that the clot was the baby, as it was the size of a half dollar, and I had an intuition that I was no longer pregnant after it.

This morning, I experienced heavier bleeding, and a lighter pregnancy test. I went to my OB, and they did an ultrasound where my uterus was completely empty.

DH and I have spent most of today grieving our loss. We don’t understand why. We have been through quite a journey before conceiving, and to have this happen to us…tore our heart into shreds. I especially feel broken because a part of me will be missing forever.

I wish I had the right words to say, but I don’t. I need time to grieve and move on. I have been feeling fairly positive since grieving so much today, but I know that certain times and days will trigger the emotions all over again.

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts, and most of all, thank you for joining me on this 8 week journey. I hope to resume this blog someday soon, with a healthy, viable pregnancy.

My first prenatal appointment went off without any problems, until we reached the ultrasound…

I was very upset with my ultrasound tech and the way she handled the situation at hand. Read the rest of this entry »

Baby bean is measuring behind as I had suspected…by several days. The ultrasound tech seemed baffled (how could anyone not have textbook 28 day cycles? *gasp*), but I think it is just because it is literally so early. I have more of a back story on this, but for now I need to rest and relax, and be with DH. Baby bean is just a little blob!

I made it to 7 weeks pregnant – phew! I feel so relieved and thankful as every day and every week passes. I think every single woman who has been pregnant knows the feeling…that anxious desire to get into the “safe zone” of pregnancy, where miscarriage drops dramatically. I, personally, will feel a thousand times more relieved when we go to our first ultrasound and actually see what has been happening in there for several weeks now. Read the rest of this entry »

This morning, we went for a tour of the birthing center here. DH and I were nervous, excited, and anxious, although I think I was more-so than him. I knew I was going to love everything the second I walked in the door, and my fear was that I would fall in love but not be able to make this dream come alive. Curious to know how it went? Read the rest of this entry »

You know how you know you’re really pregnant? When the test line on a pregnancy test gets so dark that the control line becomes a shadow. Now before you think to yourself, “What on earth are you doing still peeing on a test, girl?!” I just want you to step into my shoes for a second. Besides the exhaustion and the massively sore boobs, it can be extremely difficult for me at times to actually imagine my baby bean. Read the rest of this entry »

Some of my symptoms have gotten better, others have worsened…one thing is certain, though – I am on information overload! I bought “What To Expect The First Year,” last night in Target, and I have to say, I prefer this one over “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” tenfold. It’s not that the latter is a bad read, I just find it a bit repetitive, and monotonous, and in general, some of the book scared me a little. Between the information about miscarriage, and the long list of nutrition you must follow, I found it a bit overwhelming. I also think since I tend to be a very big planner, I am doing better with “What To Expect The First Year,” because it gives that juicy information you need to know about supplies, breastfeeding, crying, and beyond. Read the rest of this entry »

My nausea and cravings have been increasing at a rapid pace. I am grateful that baby is making itself at home in my belly. For every type of food I must have, and every hour of indigestion and nausea I withstand, I think of how this time last week, I never in a million years would have thought this would ever happen to me. Read the rest of this entry »

Today I am 5 weeks, 1 day pregnant. The symptoms have steadily increased since I got my positive pregnancy test, and keep getting stronger and stronger by the day – literally. I am going to do belly progression photographs on this blog, and I intend to do all my own maternity photography when the time comes. I am really excited about this, since my passion for photography has been ignited by having once-in-a-lifetime memories to share. Read the rest of this entry »

July 15th, 2010. A day that I will never forget in my life. It was just like any other normal day, except I was expecting my period soon, and I had not gotten it yet. I had been having cramping on and off for several days, and yet every time I thought I had started, there was nothing. Looking back on it, I also experienced a few other “symptoms” that were abnormal for me. Read the rest of this entry »